Flirting is more than just fun — it’s an art form. And like any art, it can be mastered. Flirting is also a fundamental part of life because our survival depends on human connection. If you have perhaps been out of the dating mainstream for a while, you might need to brush up on your flirting skills, and our Cowboys can help you practice.

Flirting is based on the concept of a promise-withdraw routine.  Used to create arousal, the dynamic is exactly what it says it is – giving attention, then taking it away, then giving it again — eye contact, look away, eye contact. The receiver will hear every message you send—intentional or not. So your attitude is nearly everything. Show a certain degree of eagerness, but not desperation. Believe in yourself and demonstrate why they should believe in you, too.

Flirting breaks down into three main types: public, social, and private. Public flirting is usually a spontaneous, amusing, and harmless way to brighten someone’s day. Social flirting adds a sexual element to the mix, signaling interest. Private flirting is one-on-one and radiates sex appeal.

Public Flirting – This is the easiest to practice because we all flirt in one way or another from time to time. There are many situations where you probably don’t even realize you’re flirting. You banter with the guy at the pharmacy or joke with the man at the restaurant. The guy at the deli counter smiles and addresses you by name every time he sees you. Public flirtation is innocent, makes us feel good, and keeps us in touch with other people.

Social Flirting
Social flirting is a friendly and playful way to let a man know that you’ve noticed him and are interested. You can use a hello or good-bye to emphasize how great things are when you’re together. You can “accidentally” brush up against him, or bump shoulders casually when walking down the street. Throw a quick glance. Compliment him. Cast him a sidelong gaze. Or you can send sexual signals by licking your lips slightly, tracing the outline of your collar with your fingers, playing with your hair or jewelry, or running your hand down your thigh. There’s a fine line between too much sexual innuendo and not enough.

Private Flirting
Unlike public and social flirting, private flirting is strictly about one-on-one sex appeal.  Flirting is still first and foremost about “making eyes.” One of the most irresistible and sensual techniques in flirting one-on-one is to make eye contact with your man, then shift your gaze every five or ten seconds from their eyes to their mouth, then back again. Alternate your gaze from the eyes to the mouth when talking. It’s a very, very subtle move but make no mistake: it signals sex appeal.

Here are 10 tips to help turn you into a flirting jedi:

1. Make Eye Contact – Flirting begins with the eyes. After that you can flirt with your mouth (a smile, a pout), with your personality, with your shyness or your coyness, or with your sense of humor. You can flirt with words or with food and drinks. The possibilities are endless, but first you must make eyes. If you see someone you are immediately attracted to, you will naturally look at them. When they turn your way, do not look away. Keep looking at them. Those few seconds may seem like eternity. Then…
2. Smile – Not just with your mouth but also with your eyes. Nothing dazzles more than smiling eyes. They are sexy and heart melting. Let your smile light up the room and relax into the moment.
3. Move Your Body – This one is easier than it sounds. You don’t need to have any moves in mind or practice any steps. When your eyes make contact and your lips turn up into a crescent moon smile, your body will follow and do its own dance. Get out of your mind and trust your body. Flirting is a natural bodily response to external stimuli. You just have to go with it and do what feels natural.
4. Speak up – No need for a speech. A simple ‘Hi’ can go a long way. Try to notice what they are doing or something about your surroundings and start a conversation based on it.  If that doesn’t come together easily, then give them a compliment. Be subtle. Remember less is more.
5. Introduce yourself or remain a mystery. – If you choose to introduce yourself, a first name is sufficient. It’s flirting, not a business meeting. If you choose to remain a mystery, then refrain from giving your name. Make him work a bit harder to get your name. Then when you do decide to give your name, whisper it in his ear for a sexy unveiling of the mystery.
6. Ignite a conversation. – Find some common ground with him. You may both be at an event, or you may be ordering from the same take-out restaurant, or your kids may attend the same school, or you may be standing in the same voting line. Use your discretion in bringing up a conversation. Just keep it light and not heavy on the personal stuff. Avoid any debates and certainly no complaints. In fact, if he begins to complain, I would consider it a warning and seriously consider turning off the flirt. Flirting is what butterflies do with flowers. Touch, sniff, taste and go—nothing serious, dark or heavy.
7. Be Mindful of Body Language. – Keep yourself open and approachable. Crossed legs or arms are an indication that you are closed off. Tension in your neck and shoulders may be a warning. Pay attention to your body and how you feel. Looks can be deceiving, but your body knows. Stand or sit facing the person you are attracted to. Angle your torso toward him, or point your feet in his direction. Keep your face relaxed so you appear pleasant, peaceful and at ease.
8. Break the touch barrier. – More often than not, it is okay to initiate touch in a safe and slightly conveying way. It transmits that you like him and feel comfortable. A brush against them gently as you make your way by, or a light touch of the hand or arm as you laugh. Don’t touch the face! That’s too personal for this moment. The supermarket can be a great meet market to practice casual or accidental touching.
9. Keep it short & sweet! – To keep demand up, the supply must be scarce. You want to leave him dazzled and curious. Remember the butterfly rule. Touch, sniff, taste and go. Leave the memory behind to have him craving more.
10. Wrap it up! – If you clicked, then perhaps you two can meet up for a date. An event, restaurant, or anything open and public would be a good start. You could even plan to meet at a museum or coffee shop—someplace simple. Just be safe about the number you provide.

Some people are born to flirt, others have natural flirting skills that seem to come and go depending on the circumstance, and some of us just need to learn, but we all have the potential. Flirting is really a question of attitude — you don’t have to be intense about it. Every day you come in contact with people. So make eye contact, smile, and go over and say “Hi” if it feels right. Learn to flirt with style, respect and subtlety, and you’ll make yourself irresistible. And if you need someone to practice on, we Cowboys are always here for you.